Self-Abandonment: The Hidden Wound and How Reclaiming Ourselves Heals Our Spirit
Some wounds don’t scream — they whisper.
They hide in our reactions, our silences, and the way we put others before ourselves, even when it hurts.
This week, I faced one of those moments.
Alone, in a taxi, in a foreign country — I learned how deeply self-abandonment still lives in my body.
I want to share this story because I know I’m not the only one. Many of us — especially women, spiritual seekers, or those raised with certain religious beliefs — carry this pattern quietly.
THE MOMENT I FROZE — AND PUT HIM BEFORE ME
I was simply trying to get around town — a taxi ride, a man being “friendly.”
But his hand kept landing on me:
My arm. My shoulder. My thigh — higher than any stranger should go. Compliments I didn’t ask for. Smiles that felt like traps.
And what did I do?
Nothing.
I froze — and worse, my first thought wasn’t how do I get safe?
It was: I don’t want to get him in trouble.
I told him I noticed his hands, that it made me uncomfortable. I said it again. I tried explaining that even touching my bracelet was off-limits — it was consecrated.
But even then… part of me still worried about his feelings.
Later, when I was finally safe, my body trembled. A mix of fear, anger, and that familiar guilt.
WHAT IS SELF-ABANDONMENT — AND WHY DOES IT HURT SO DEEPLY?
Self-abandonment happens when, faced with discomfort, fear, or conflict — we choose the other.
We ignore our body’s scream for safety.
We rationalize, excuse, minimize.
For women especially, this is often learned early — praised as being kind, good, or spiritual.
Religion, society, and family reward us for self-sacrifice.
And so we forget: We matter. Our safety, health, and joy matter.
THE INVISIBLE LEGACY OF CATHOLICISM (AND BEYOND)
Raised in a culture influenced by Catholicism, I now see how deep the message runs:
Be good. Be silent. Sacrifice like Jesus. Forgive endlessly.
Even spirituality can reinforce it — calling suffering sacred, martyrdom holy.
But that day in the taxi, my body told a different truth.
My soul whispered: “You’re not here to be a martyr. You’re here to live.”
TRAUMA LIVES IN THE BODY — AND THE FREEZE RESPONSE IS REAL
My shaking body, the knot in my throat — they weren’t weakness. They were survival responses.
Psychologists call it the fawn or freeze response — a protective instinct to avoid danger by appeasing or freezing.
“Fawning is a trauma response where people-pleasing becomes survival.” — Read more here
For me, it wasn’t just about that taxi ride — it was years of conditioning surfacing in one moment.
HEALING SELF-ABANDONMENT IS A SPIRITUAL ACT
The biggest shift came after:
I sat down, tears stuck behind my eyes, and I wrote this mantra:
“I am the altar, the prayer, the flame —
I rise like a river, unbroken, untamed.”
For the first time, I saw healing not as sacrifice, but as self-respect.
Choosing myself isn’t selfish. It’s sacred.
It’s spiritual.
It’s revolutionary.
“For the first time, I saw healing not as sacrifice, but as self-respect. Choosing myself isn’t selfish. It’s sacred. It’s spiritual. It’s revolutionary.”
HOW TO START RECLAIMING YOURSELF (AND YOUR SPIRIT):
1. Recognize the Pattern
Ask: Where do I abandon myself? Is it in conversations, relationships, or like me — in moments when I feel unsafe?
2. Feel the Body’s Wisdom
My shaking body showed me the truth. Next time, I will listen sooner. So will you.
3. Rewrite What Spirituality Means
Suffering isn’t sacred.
Joy is.
Safety is.
Your voice is.
WHY WOMEN STRUGGLE WITH THIS MORE (AND HOW TO BREAK FREE):
Generations of religious, cultural, and social conditioning taught us to put others first. But healing means writing a new story:
One where choosing yourself is the most spiritual thing you can do.
Reflection Prompt:
Take a breath.
Where are you still silencing yourself to be good, spiritual, or kind?
What if choosing yourself didn’t betray your path — but honored it?
Hey, Why wait? Book now a free consultation and take the first step toward breaking free. It costs nothing to step out of the self-doubt imprisonment you’ve created for yourself.
WORK WITH US — CONSCIOUSNESS HOUSE CAN HELP
At Consciousness House, we guide you through these deep patterns — blending psychology, trauma work, and spirituality.
If this resonates, [book your free consultation here] — it’s free to choose yourself.
That taxi ride became a portal. Not because of him — but because it showed me:
My safety, my health, my joy — they matter.
I hope it shows you the same.
Further Resources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-finesse/202011/women-and-self-sabotage-how-we-sell-ourselves-short
https://www.brainzmagazine.com/post/how-chronic-self-sacrificing-and-self-denial-impact-our-well-being-and-relationships#:~:text=Societal%20and%20cultural%20norms%20often,emotional%20backbone%20of%20their%20households.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-a-monkey-to-tea/201810/a-womans-right-to-have-needs-the-next-revolution
https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/12/why-we-abandon-ourselves-and-how-to-stop
https://heatherspurrell.com/stop-self-abandonment/
https://www.ifm.org/articles/understanding-ptsd-from-a-polyvagal-perspective
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/202206/polyvagal-theory-approach-understanding-trauma
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-sobriety/202303/what-is-the-fawning-trauma-response
